How do I make friends as an adult?

If you are not a “people person” - or heck, even if you are! - it can be so hard to figure out how to make friends once you’re out of school. Read on to learn my best tips for finding your people.

Problem #1: “I don’t want to leave my house.”

I hear you. Unfortunately, leaving your house will be an essential step on your path to meeting people and eventually, making friends.

If leaving your house feels overwhelming or anxiety-provoking, start small. A walk around the block. Going to places you’ve been before that feel familiar. Take it one step at a time.

Problem #2: “I’m not sure where to meet people.”

Interest-based activities are fantastic, particularly for neurodivergent folks! One of the best strategies is to choose a place or activity to frequent. The more you show up, the more you’ll start to recognize people, or they’ll start to recognize you. It’ll become easier and easier to connect.

Here are some ideas for folks who live in the greater Indianapolis area…

Like birds? Check out the ornithology center at Eagle Creek Park.

Enjoy crafts? Join a Connection Club event.

Love to walk? Peruse this list of local hiking groups.

Or if tabletop games are your thing, look into a Books and Brews.

Problem #3: “OK, I’m here! But I don’t know how to break the ice.”

If you get nervous talking to people, you may have to do this part scared and brave. The more your practice, the easier it gets.

It’s hard to go wrong when you begin with a compliment. Even something as simple as, “I like your bag, where is it from?”

You could also ask a light, non-invasive question. A great one for a coffee shop or cafe is, “What’s your favorite thing on the menu?”

Finally, you could keep it simple and classic: “How’s your day going?”

Problem #4: “I broke the ice… now what?”

If the conversation is brief, that’s totally okay!

There’s a chance that person isn’t interested in taking things a step further. Or who knows, maybe you’ll see them again in the future and they’ll warm up more.

If the conversation seems to be volleying back and forth, you might ask the person if they’d want to get coffee or tea sometime. If they say yes, ask to exchange numbers, and make a plan in the next week or so.

Problem #5: “We had coffee! It went great! …now what?”

Keep inviting them to more things. As you get to know them, open up more about yourself.

Notice if they match your energy. Do they also initiate hangs? Do they open up?

From there, you can decide if you want to continue to pursue a potential friendship, or let it go and move on to the next.

Why do I always have to be the one to initiate everything?

You don’t. But the truth is… many other people also find it hard to start talking to someone new. That doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t interested in making new friends! In fact, if you give them a little nudge, they may take it and run with it!

Final Thoughts

It can be scary to put yourself out there. And it can be discouraging to do it over and over again without seeing results.

But if you keep at it, you will build confidence over time, and cast a wide enough net that eventually, you will find the right friends at the right time!

I’m cheering you on! And if you’d like extra support working through the problems above, therapy could help! Reach out today to see if we’d be a good fit to work together.